Harry Potter's Perception of His Own Death
by ColoursandBubbles
Summary: Hermione asks Harry how he feels about his own death, and gets a mixed answer; he's concerned about everyone but himself, but she also finds out that death separates Harry and Voldemort because of Harry's decisions about it.
1. Harry's Perception of His Own Death

Harry Potter's Perception of His Own Death

Hermione sat across from Harry. They were talking about the final battle, since it was inevitable and they needed to prepare for it. However, there was something else Hermione had in mind that she wanted to talk about: Harry's inevitable death.

"How do you feel about it?" she asked. Harry didn't answer for a while. He leaned back in his chair, and then forward, as if not sure how to act when challenged with a question like that. He frowned, took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes before finally sitting up, shoving his glasses back on, and shrugging.

"Dunno." He said, and stared off into space in deep thought. Hermione remained silent until he spoke again.

"Dunno. How am I supposed to feel? I don't think about it very much…sometimes I wonder what'll happen to Ginny…"

"Is she your primary concern?"

"Dunno. Maybe…but that's only because if I die, she dies too."

"What d'you mean by that?"

"Well, obviously, if I die, then she'd have a broken heart, that's like being dead inside. Life's not worth living if your insides are dead. And it hurts that I already saved her from death, and it would kill me to think that I have to die and because of that, she dies too. I'm not sayin' I'm a hero or anythin' because I'm not; anyone could've done what I did, but it would be like a sick twist if I die and she dies because I die even though I had to die for her to live. It's not me I'm concerned about. I'm going to die anyways at some point. I just don't want it to be too soon because me and her, we haven't had hardly any time and it's already over."

"You don't know that it's over, Harry. You haven't seen the future. You might die, you might not."

"'Mione, I have to die. That's the whole point of it. I have to die so he dies. What really bugs me about it is that I haven't spent any time with Ginny, and even you and Ron, a few years doesn't cut it, Mione. That's not enough. And the Weasley's, y'know, they're a family and they act like it too, and that's something you can't replace. There's so much stuff we haven't done, all of us. I dunno…it's complicated."

"So your main concern is Ginny, and the rest of us. Not yourself."

"Yeah, but that's not all of it. I don't think about death because since it's inevitable there's no point. I have a certain amount of time left and I can't spend it moping or I won't get anything done."

"You and Voldemort are very different that way, y'know, Harry?"

"Mmmm?"

"Voldemort is desperately escaping death and you accept it as the inevitable. He spends all his time killing people in order to get to you and you spend all your time spending as much time with people as you can before you can't anymore."

"Mm."

"I wonder what Ginny would think of you caring the most about her in the face of your death."

"I don't really want to think about that. I care about her."

Hermione tried to force down a smile.

"That's pretty obvious, Harry."

Harry reddened.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"You watch her, you laugh at her jokes, you don't argue with her-"

"That's because she's funny and she's right about a lot of stuff so there's nothing to argue about."

"What about watching her."

Harry was looking away.

"And she's pretty."

"I think you find her exceptionally attractive."

A small smile curled on his lips.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" she asked, a smile immediately spreading across her face. "She's interesting enough that you lost interest in the last Quidditch match."

"What? No I didn't." Harry said, looking up and over the table at her. For a full minute, he was able to hold his composure, but after that it cracked and he had to look away to hide his smile.

"Yes you did. You got hit twice with a bludger because you were watching her. She's a good chaser, isn't she?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Hermione moved her chair to beside him. She saw the blush on his neck.

"C'mon, Harry. You like her. You think she's beautiful. Why can't you admit that?"

"I'm not denying anything. I'm just not saying anything very specific. Maybe if Ginny asked I'd be more open. Maybe not."

"Fine then, I'll go get her."


	2. Harry's Perception of Ginny

Harry's Perception of Ginny

"I wonder what Ginny would think of you caring the most about her in the face of your death." Hermione asked, still sitting across the table from him, hoping she could get something out of him.

"I don't really want to think about that. I care about her." He said, looking up and away from her, with a resolved expression on his face.

Hermione tried to force down a smile.

"That's pretty obvious, Harry."

Harry reddened. Was it that obvious? He'd tried so hard to hide it from people that it surprised and embarrassed him that she was aware of it. That she knew what attracted him. What made him feel hot and what made him want to squirm because certain muscles were demanding movement.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, head swiveling around to see her.

"You watch her, you laugh at her jokes, you don't argue with her-"

"That's because she's funny and she's right about a lot of stuff so there's nothing to argue about." He said quickly, trying to wheel away from this awkward conversation.

"What about watching her?"

Harry looked away. He wanted to sound as business-like as possible so Hermione wouldn't notice that his heart rate had sped up considerably, just from talking about the sweetness in his life.

"And she's pretty."

"I think you find her exceptionally attractive."

A small smile curled on his lips. That, he did. Ginny was definitely exceptional, and he couldn't possibly deny that she was attractive, what with her flaming hair and chocolaty eyes and fierce temper, and her humour he couldn't seem to get enough of.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" she asked, a smile immediately spreading across her face. "She's interesting enough that you lost interest in the last Quidditch match."

"What? No I didn't." Harry said, looking up and over the table at her. For a full minute, he was able to hold his composure, but after that it cracked and he had to look away to hide his smile. He couldn't believe Hermione had noticed that. He was very distracted during quidditch if Ginny was there, but that was because seeing Ginny in action was, well, kind of sexy. He would never admit that to her, but it did. He'd never imagined that being grown up would include such an attraction towards a girl. Well, obviously he'd known it would happen, but actually having it happen was different from having head knowledge of it.

"Yes you did. You got hit twice with a bludger because you were watching her. She's a good chaser, isn't she?"

"Yeah, I guess." Damn. She was an amazing chaser, very alert, and she didn't bother to tie her hair up, so it would fly behind her all the time and he could find her easily with the fiery colour. He loved her hair. Actually, he loved a lot of things about her. Her demand for control in out-of-control situations where nobody would listen to him. Her fierce motivation but amazing willingness to take orders from him. His ears tinged red at the thought. She listened to him. She took him seriously. She respected his wishes even when she didn't like them.

Hermione moved her chair to beside him. She saw the blush on his neck.

"C'mon, Harry. You like her. You think she's beautiful. Why can't you admit that?"

"I'm not denying anything. I'm just not saying anything very specific. Maybe if Ginny asked I'd be more open. Maybe not."

"Fine then, I'll go get her."

And then she left. Harry wasn't planning on talking to Ginny about anything. He wanted to get back to work. Besides, what would he talk to her about? They didn't really talk much, did they? It was mostly small talk. He found himself overwhelmed by her at times, unable to think of anything to say that would meet with her level of intelligence. She caught him off guard a lot. Every time he saw her she seemed more beautiful than the last time. She seemed funnier. She seemed more alive. She made him feel alive. She made him forget his worries. Just by being her. She didn't even have to do anything. She just had to be there-in any state.


End file.
